Not allowed to love
by MW3addict
Summary: Alice and Jasper have been the best of friends since they were kids and they tell each other absolutely everything;well that's what Alice thought. Alice is dating a guy who wants more than what she is ready for but then she begins to fall in love with Jasper who is supposedly gay and also has secrets of his own. A Jalice story. M to be safe.AH Eventually J/A
1. Chapter 1

**This is an idea that had popped into my head not too long ago so I thought that I would see if you guys like it. If you do then I shall carry it on. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

**Alice POV**

My life was that of a typical teenage girl. I had a great family with trust worthy friends but no friend could beat Jasper. I have known him since the age of 5 which was when we had started going to school together. It's hard to remember how we became friends in the first place as it was well over ten years ago but what I do remember is that he wasn't very social. Most young children would play with anyone, its part of being a kid but he was the one child that spent all his time by himself. I guess I just felt sorry for him one day and started to speak to him, minutes later we were friends. That's another thing about kids; one short conversation is all it takes to make a friend.

We got closer in high school because it was a bigger place and again, Jasper isn't very social but with me he was a very different person. We went to school together, we had classes together, did our homework together and all our free time was spent together. A lot of people viewed our relationship as strange because we were boy and girl and the best of friends and despite being so close to each other, we weren't together.

And there was a reason for that.

At 15, Jasper had admitted to me and only me that he was confused about his sexuality. He found himself attracted to guys. He was still hiding in the closet from everyone else though. Not even his sister knew.

Jasper's sister was Rosalie who is 22 and currently living in a place of her own with her boyfriend, Emmett, along with Jasper too. I guess that's another reason why he is round my house more often than he is at home. I mean, come on, Emmett and Rosalie are very...sexual. I guess Jasper just can't handle it.

Jasper wasn't as lucky as I was though. Whilst I had a mum and dad, Jasper was an orphan at the age of 13 and Rose at 18. That was one thing that I could remember clearly.

_I noticed a bright light from across the street so I left my house to go and check it out. As soon as it was clear, I screamed. There was a house on fire but it wasn't just any house. It was where my best friend lived. I began to run toward the house but I was pulled back by police who were guarding the house while fireman were trying to put the fire out but it was too big._

"_No! He's in there! You have to get him out!" I screamed, struggling to get out of the cops arms._

_The fire went on for some time until I saw a fireman carry out a small figure, limp in his arms and covered in blood. Why was there blood? They had laid him on a board and began to perform CPR which meant that he wasn't breathing. _

_By the time the ambulance had got here, they had almost given up but with one final try, they had announced that he was breathing but was still unconscious. That was when they took him to the hospital to save him. _

_One thing that I noticed was that they didn't manage to save his parents._

That was the worst part of my life. Seeing Jasper like that had terrified me and I thought that I had lost my best friend. I nearly did. He was in a coma for almost 3 weeks with minor burns and 3 stab wounds.

The police would have classed the fire as an accident but when they realised that Jasper had been stabbed several times, they knew that it was some murder plot. Somebody had planned to kill everybody in that house and cover their tracks by burning the place down but Jasper came out alive. Once he was well enough to leave the hospital, Rosalie offered to look after him from now on as she was now old enough to be his legal guardian as well as a sister.

Rosalie lived all the way in New York so when Jasper found out that he might not ever see me again, he had escaped from his cubicle, sneaked out of the hospital and ran all the way to my house to hide out. He was of course welcomed with a big hug from me but unfortunately for him, my father happened to be the doctor that was looking for him and he knew how close me and Jasper were so my dad drove all the way home to find him.

In the end, Jasper did get his own way though. Rosalie moved into a place with Emmett just half a mile from where I live which is where we are now today.

So now I'm 16 and Jasper is 17 and despite the tragic event that had happened in his life, Jasper didn't let that affect our close bond. He was still the same guy although deep down, I knew that he was in pain; A lot of it.

We have always been there to support each other which was probably why it was me that Jasper decided to tell his secret to. I suggested the maybe he should tell Rosalie about it at some point too but he was convinced that she would kick him out of her house if she found out that he were gay.

I knew that she wouldn't though. Rosalie was a spiteful person but her personality is completely different with Jasper. He is very important to her and I know that if she ever had to choose between Jasper and Emmett, she would choose her brother. After experiencing what it feels like to have your brother in a hospital bed, with the chances of never waking up, it changed the way she viewed Jasper and now she can be a little over protective with him.

It also made me feel calmer when he was nearby because then I knew he was safe. Jasper did get annoyed about how me and Rose were constantly worried about him and assured us that he could take care of himself.

Anyway, this is the story of how I fell in love with my best friend and how our relationship became closer than ever.

**Ok, to make things clear... Rose is 6 years older than Jasper who is a year older than Alice.**

**If I write another chapter, I will write the current ages of each character**

**So...Do you think it's worth carrying on?**

**Also, if there are any questions, just ask.**

**I will appreciate any reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys and thank you for my reviewers. To the guest reviewer who goes by the name 'no.1fan' I just want to say that the answer to your question is yes but eventually.**

**The ages of the main characters:**

**Alice: 14 Jasper: 15 Edward: 17 Rosalie: 21 Emmett: 22**

**The previous chapter was Alice explaining a few things before telling her story which means that the rest of the story will be building up to the first chapter if you see what I mean. So what I am saying is that this chapter is taking place 2 years before.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

**2 years before...**

**Alice's POV**

Me and Jasper had wondered off into the big forest that was outside my house. We hung out there a lot and we spent most of the time finding the perfect trees to climb. I guess that sounds rather boyish of me but it was fun. Jasper always helped me up on the higher branches and when we found a comfortable tree, we would sit there for a few hours while having deep conversations.

Today, we decided to stick with a familiar tree that was near my house but if you got high enough, you could view a beautiful meadow which was full of a range of flowers, all with different colours. Jasper had told me that looking at such a peaceful place made him feel calmer and I guess that's why he seemed to be more talkative then.

Once we reached the tree, Jasper lifted himself onto the first branch before leaning over to help me up. Another great thing about this tree was that it had thick branches nearer to the bottom so that you wouldn't lose your balance and although the branches got thinner as you got higher up, they were still strong and thick enough to sit on, which it did in fact feel very comfortable.

We kept climbing until we reached our favourite spot to view the meadow and Jasper leans against the tree while I lean against Jasper. We sat there for a bit in silent, enjoying the view until I spoke.

"I love this place so much"

Jasper smiled at me and nodded in agreement but despite the smile, I could tell that he was holding back a frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing" he answered almost immediately.

That was strange. I knew it was a lie but he never hid anything from me. He was always so open when we were alone.

"Jazz come on! You know you can tell me anything" I pleaded.

He just shook his head and looked back at the meadow again. I guess I would have to start a speaking to him about something before he gained the courage to talk to me.

"James' birthday is coming and I don't know what I should get him. He doesn't drop hints like most people do and he hates it when I buy him new clothes" I wined.

James was my boyfriend and has been for 3 months now. I still didn't know much about him but I knew that he was growing jealous of Jasper. He hated how close we were and said that I was spending more time with Jazz than I was with him. Yes, maybe that was true, but he suspected that there was more to Jasper than just a 'friend'. Jasper doesn't like James either but only because he is worried about me. He says that James is at the age where he is expecting more than just hugs and kisses and that I shouldn't force myself to do anything that I don't want to do.

James will be 17 in 2 weeks so I guess that makes him a 2 and a half years older than me. I don't see it as a big deal but Jasper on the other hand thinks it is.

"He won't care what you _buy _him for his birthday but he will be expecting a treat if you know what I mean" he hinted.

"Jazz, James wouldn't make me do anything like that. It may be cute that you worry about me but it's also annoying" I told him.

He would have usually smirked at me but today he just looked away and gazed back into the meadow.

"Okay. Jasper, seriously tell me what's up" I demanded.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"I got kissed last night" he stated.

He said it like it was a bad thing and I was unsure how he truly felt. Jasper never came across as the sort of person who was looking for a relationship and he never told me about anybody that caught his eye so I just assumed that he wasn't ready.

"And? Did you kiss back?" I asked.

Another sigh.

"I shouldn't have" he whispered.

He shouldn't have? So I guess he kissed her back because he liked the kissed but then he may have felt wrong doing it because he didn't have feelings for her. Maybe.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

He opened his eyes and looked at me desperately.

"Alice, I just... I trust you, I really do but...You won't judge me right?" he asked nervously.

"Jazz, I wouldn't ever judge you" I promised.

He sighed again and looked away.

"That kiss...we...I mean I kissed back and...it turned into a bit more and...I...I liked it...But...it wasn't with a girl".

I have to admit, I was taken by surprised. So it was with a guy? For the fact that it had only taken place yesterday, maybe he was just sexually curious. I mean, a lot of people go through that stage but it's not until you fall in love with somebody that you can confirm what sexuality you are.

"You hesitated to tell me this? Jazz, I don't care if it was a guy. I mean, I'm shocked but happy for you. In fact, tell me about it! What do you mean by 'it turned into a bit more'? Actually, tell me the whole story" I demanded excitedly.

"That...That doesn't bother you" he asked surprised.

"Jasper, whether you're just being curious or generally attracted to guys, I don't care. You are my best friend and you always will be no matter what. Now. Tell" I said.

He smiled a small smile and then grew the confidence to talk to me.

"Well...you know Peter right?"

Wow. It was Peter? I didn't realise that he too was curious. Peter was Jasper's second closest friend although by close, I mean he sees him like an hour every week because for the rest of the time, he is with me. I nodded so that he could carry on.

"He came round my house last night and...well, I wasn't expecting him, he just kinda showed up. Anyway, Rose invite him in and I took him to my room so that we could talk about stuff. It was weird because he told me that he wanted to try something so...Well, the next thing I knew his lips were on mine" he paused for a minute to think.

"I should have pulled away but...it just felt...right. So I kissed back" he finished.

"Hey come on Jazz, that wasn't it. Tell me"

"I don't exactly want to go into detail" he hesitated.

"There is no such thing as too much detail. Now spill" I said.

"You asked for it" he said with a sigh. "Well...we began to use um...tongue and after a while he uh...he pushed me onto the floor so that he could be above me and one of his hands began to um... touch my trousers above my...area and um...let's just say the way my body reacted was proof that I enjoyed it" he finished.

"You know, you get very nervous when you speak about this kind of stuff Jazz. When I talk to Bella on the other hand, she doesn't even hesitate to tell me the things that she had been doing with my brother" I said.

"That's different. Firstly, they are in a relationship and secondly, they are boy and girl. I did this with a boy and it felt so right at the time but now I feel so...well, I feel like I did something wrong" he admitted.

"And that's normal Jazz but I'll promise that you'll get use to it" I assured.

"But I don't _want _to get use to it! I want to be like everybody else! I want to be normal. _This _isn't normal" he yelled.

It wasn't often when Jasper got frustrated but this was understandable. He was worried what everybody would think of him if they ever found out.

"Do you like him?" I asked quietly.

He shrugged at me and sighed again.

"After we kissed and whatever, he admitted that he liked me more than he should but... I don't know what I feel. I mean, I can't get last night out of my head but I keep...I keep hoping that maybe we would do that again and I'm not sure if it was because of him or if it was because he was a guy" Jasper said.

"Have you...Have you ever had sexual thoughts of guys before this happened?" I asked gently.

No comment.

He looked away out to the meadow again and then looked at his watch.

"It's almost dark; we should head back" he suggested, changing the subject.

"Jazz..." I tried

"Come on" he hurried, cutting me off.

I sighed in defeat and followed him as we climb down the tree. He was completely silent during the walk back.

**So this was mentioned a little in the last chapter but as we go two years back, I chose to go back to the part when Alice first found out. Anyway, do you like it? **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: A slightly sexual scene ahead but not very detailed.

The ages of the main characters:

Alice: 14 Jasper: 15 James: 16 Edward: 17 Rosalie: 21 Emmett: 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

**Alice's POV**

It has been a few days since Jasper had came out to me but I haven't seen him since then. Almost every day he comes round my house and even has lunch with my family but he hasn't shown up at all lately.

Bored, I decide to visit James. I always visit my boyfriend when Jasper can't keep me company. I know that it didn't seem fair on James that I didn't see him as much as Jasper but my best friend didn't live too far from me and was in walking distance whereas I had to get a ride to James's.

As soon as I got off the bus, I walked a little further as his house was only about 2 minutes from the bus stop. When I knocked, James opened the door not long after and grinned at me.

"It about time you showed up sexy. I haven't seen you all week" he said and let me in.

As soon as he shut the door, he put his hand around my waist to pull me closer to him and then began to kiss me, deepening the kiss as soon as we started. I accepted the tongue that he was forcing into my mouth and I ran my hands through his hair. James's hands that started around my waist moved lower so that both were on my butt.

"I've missed you" he whispered as his lips moved to my neck.

"I've missed you too" I replied.

He moves his hands back up my body, palming my breasts over my shirt.

"It's my birthday in a week. I just...well, all of my friends have done almost everything with their girlfriends before they turned 17 and I...I haven't really done anything with you Alice" James spoke with a pleading look.

I paused. There had been many times where he had hinted that he wanted to do more things with me but I just ignored them. I just didn't have much self confidence in myself and besides, I was only 14. I knew a few people that had done sexual things at that age but in my opinion, it's just too young. Besides, I want to wait for 'the one' and to be honest, I don't think it was James.

"James, I don't think I can do that" I whispered.

"Why not? Look Alice, it's always difficult to do something for the first time but the sooner you do it, the easier it will be" he explained.

"We have plenty of time James" I steadied.

"3 months. We have been together for 3 months and the most sexual thing that I have done to you is touch your breasts" he said annoyed.

He was right. Maybe I was just being pathetic. I needed to grow up and stop acting like a baby.

"Okay" I whispered.

"Okay?" he questioned.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.

He smiled at me and led me to his bedroom, guiding me to sit on his bed.

"Stay relaxed" he whispered.

He sat beside me and then we began to kiss again. James had his arm wrapped around my waist, the other on my stomach. The kissing got deeper so I was focusing on the movement of my tongue, not realising how his hand was sliding down my stomach until it slid through my underwear. I paused and held a breath.

"Relax" James repeated.

I took a few deep breaths and once I felt comfortable enough, I began to kiss him again, letting him carry on doing what he wanted. He was right; if I didn't do this now, then I would never get used to it. I felt one of his fingers slide into me as another one was fingering my clit. It hurt a little and I knew that if I didn't stay relaxed, it would hurt much more but on the other hand, it felt rather good so I let him continue as I keep kissing him.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After I got back from James's house, I decided to walk to Jasper's. He may not have come to visit me but it doesn't mean that I couldn't visit him. I couldn't help but think that I had betrayed him slightly though. He had told me that he didn't want me to do things that James's had wanted me to do unless I was comfortable with it. But then I remember what James said about the first time. Jasper was just being an over protective fool. If I listen to him all the time then I wouldn't get anywhere in relationships.

Rosalie opened the door but wasn't surprised to see me.

"If you're here for Jasper then he isn't in. He's been sleeping over Peter's to take a break from something that he hasn't told me about. He should be back tomorrow though" she informed.

He was at Peter's? I guess Jasper was just discovering more about his sexuality but it annoys me that he didn't tell me where he had disappeared to. He always tells me these things. As soon as I get back home, I was going to give Jasper a phone call.

"Oh, okay then" I said sadly and then walked away to head to my house.

Maybe the reason for his avoidance is because he was embarrassed that he told me that he was attracted to guys. I just hoped that it wouldn't affect our friendship because other than James and my family, he was all I had.

As soon as I entered my house, I ran straight to my room without even greeting my parents like I usually do and dialled out Jasper's number. I waited as it kept ringing, eventually going onto answer phone so I hung up and rang again. Jasper usually picks up within the first few rings. The phone kept ringing but just as I was about to hang up for the second time, I heard his voice.

"Hi Alice"

"Jazz? What the hell? Why didn't you tell me you have been at Peter's for what, 3 days now? I worried, Jasper. You always tell me where you are" I rushed.

"Alice I...I just needed to...Do you always have to worry about me? I mean, I already get enough of that from Rosalie" he replied.

"I know Jazz but it's not something that I can help. You can't just tell me not to worry. Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.

The sigh I heard from the other side of the line was all I needed to know the answer.

"Jesus Jasper! When will I see you again!?" I questioned in frustration.

"Alice, it's only been 3 days" he said, relaxed.

"Jasper, we have never gone more than 24 hours without seeing or at least speaking to each other" I reminded.

"Yeah well I guess I upped it then" he said plainly.

"What is your problem? You're never like this" I pointed out.

I didn't understand why he was being like this. Had I done something wrong to him? The phone was silent for a while and I thought that he had hung up but he hadn't because I had then heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm finding things really difficult at the moment" he admitted.

Of course he was. He was stressing about what people would think of him if they found out that he was gay. Well, he wasn't gay yet; he was just at the stage of discovering new things that some people go through. In fact, there is a chance that after all this, he would decide that he actually prefers females; or maybe both.

"Jazz, you know Rose can help you if you tell her" I suggested.

"No. No, Alice she cannot know. I swear, if you tell her anything..."

"Relax Jasper. If you don't want me to say anything then I won't but can you at least consider it?" I asked him.

"No! If she finds out then she would be disgusted; she would kick me out and I would end up on the streets. You want to know what would happen then? How I would get the money to keep myself alive? I would have to turn into a complete slut which would make Rose even more disgusted with me and I might even lose you" he panicked.

"Listen to me Jasper; you will never lose me okay? Rose will do no such thing but whatever happens, know that I'm here for you" I calmed him.

"Okay, I'll just need time. I mean, I don't want to tell her I'm gay and then it turns out it was me going through some sort of stage" he explained.

"Alright Jazz, just speak to me soon k? I miss you" I admitted.

"I miss you too Alice" he whispered before hanging up.

I suppose the phone call had explained a few things and that things would be very hard for Jasper for a while. But I would be there for him; just like I was when his parents had died. In fact, he had even helped me before. He is the reason why I have James.

_**4 months ago**_

"_Alice, what's wrong?" Jasper asked concerned._

"_Huh? Nothing" I answered him._

"_You're not very talkative tonight" he explained._

_Jasper and I were in my room like always, both of us were sitting on my bed doing our homework together._

"_Nothing's wrong; I'm just thinking" I replied._

"_About?" He encouraged. After my silent answer he continued. "Come on Alice, we tell each other everything, remember?"_

_I sighed at him. He was right. We were always so open with each other, being the bestest friends. _

"_You remember earlier when I told you about that guy who asked me out on a date?" He nodded. "Well, what if he kisses me? I...I've never kissed a guy before." I admitted._

"_Alice, it's a first date so I'm sure it won't be nothing more than a peck on the lips. You know, the sort of kiss people give their parents before they go to sleep at night" he smiled sadly at the mention of parents._

"_But what if he wants more than a simple kiss?" I asked._

"_Tell him to back off and if he doesn't, he'll end up with a broken nose, a black eye and a busted eye whereas I would be left with a messed up hand" he threatened._

"_Seriously Jazz, I really wouldn't mind kissing him but...I don't know how and if I mess up, he won't want me" I worried._

"_Alice, listen to me, if he ditches you because the kiss wasn't perfect, then he is just fucked up. You're a pretty girl Alice, I'm just surprised that he was the only one that asked you out" he said._

_I forced a smile at him, appreciating the fact that he was trying to make me feel better but it didn't work. I continued doing my homework although Jasper just watched me and sighed._

"_This really is getting to you isn't it?" He muttered and then a little louder "You know, if you want you can um...You could...practise on me"._

_He gave me a shy smile, one that showed off his dimples as he waited for my answer._

"_You would do that for me?" I asked._

"_You're my best friend Alice. I would give my life up just to save yours if it ever came to that" he answered._

"_That means a lot to me Jazz, thank you" I said as I pulled him into a hug._

_He returned the hug as he wraps his arms around my back. After the moment of cuteness was over, we pulled away, noticing this hint of nervousness in Jasper's eyes. That was when I realised that he too had never kissed anybody. This might be a little awkward._

"_So...do you want to start now?" He asked._

_I nodded._

"_Okay, um...will just do what feels right. Sometime's a first kiss is a good one anyway so you might not even need to practise" he explained._

_After saying that, he leaned over and pressed his lips on mine and it actually felt really good. One small kiss turned into many small kisses which then turned into open mouth kisses as he tilted his head slightly so that it was easier for us to press our lips together. I was really enjoying it but Jasper soon pulled away._

"_Did I do anything wrong?" I asked._

_Jasper appeared to be rather speechless which was usually a good sign but I couldn't help but feel like he didn't like it. Finally he spoke._

"_Alice, that was...that was really good. You seriously haven't kissed anybody before?" He questioned._

"_Well I have now" I mentioned._

"_Me too" he admitted as he smiled shyly. "You know, if that date works out and you think that you might take it a step further with him, I wouldn't mind us practising the next stage of kissing"._

"_You mean tongue?" I asked._

_He nodded at me, blushing a little._

"_Okay" I answered._

_After he had said that, I really was hoping that me and my date would work out. Kissing Jasper had felt really good. In fact, it felt more than 'good'; it felt perfect and just so...right. No, 'right' couldn't have been the word. It was my first kiss so maybe James would feel righter than Jasper does. Jasper is my best friend and just because we were kissing didn't mean that we would ever be together like most people suspected._

I smile at the memory of my best friend being my first kiss. It was kind of cute how he was okay with me kissing him but then a thought struck me. 3 days ago, I had asked Jasper if he had ever had sexual thoughts about males before the Peter situation happened and he hadn't answered me which must have meant that he had. What if the reason why he had let me kiss him was because he was forcing himself to kiss females? He didn't like that he was thinking of guys so kissing a girl would take his mind of it.

That meant he was hiding this from me for at least 4 months.

**Not my best chapter but...PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello guys. Sorry for the slow update; I have two other stories that I'm mainly focusing on because they appear to be more popular with the readers. Anyway, this chapter actually explains Jasper's reason why he prefers males.**

**Also, I would like to make it clear that this story **_**will **_**be a Jasper and Alice pairing because the plot of the story is how they came to be. It will take some time though and I have no idea how long this story will be because it's all improvised pretty much. One of my stories was finished at 20k words yet another one is 115k and still going! So yeah, I have no idea about the length.**

_**Flash back**__** -2 years back**_

_**Jasper 13 Maria-16**_

**Present**

**Alice 14 Jasper 15 James 16 Peter 16 Edward 17 Rosalie 21 Emmett 22**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

**Jasper's POV**

_My body jolted up from my sleep as I heard two gunshots. Gunshots? I began to panic as I could hear muffled voices coming from down stairs. That didn't sound like my parents. I quietly moved out of my bed and slowly opened my door as I near the stairs. I crouch down so that I could carefully here the voices._

"_That's only two of them. Jasper's the main one and he's the one that you're failing to find. Search for him now"._

_It was a female voice and she mentioned my name. She knows me. The voices were in whispers so I didn't recognize her voice but I'm sure that if I saw her, I would know her too._

"_Give us time Maria; we haven't searched upstairs yet" spoke another female._

_Maria? She was here? She was three years above me in school and pretty much known as the school slut. About a month ago, I had been picked as her next 'boyfriend' but I rejected her. At the time, I didn't want to be in a relationship and even if I did, it wouldn't have been her. If she had become my girlfriend, I would have lost my virginity within a week but I wasn't ready for that. I'm only 13 for crying out loud and I want to wait for the right girl._

_Anyway, Maria was a spoilt bitch meaning what she wanted, she would get. She wanted me. One day, when I was walking home from Alice's, Maria, Lucy and Nettie had cornered me in an Ally way claiming that if I didn't give her what she wanted, she would burn Alice's house to the ground._

_When it came to Alice, I would do anything for her._

_I followed them back to her house, Maria led me to her bedroom claiming that her parents were out so she spent the night blackmailing me by threatening my best friend unless I would have sex with her. It happened and I didn't tell anybody._

_But I didn't understand why she was here now. Why was she looking for me? I backed away from the staircase as I heard one of the girls coming up the stairs; probably Lucy or Nettie._

"_Search the bedrooms first; he might be sleeping" one of them whispered._

_Thankful for their unknown warning, I quietly moved into the bathroom and to my luck, the door was already open. I saw Lucy walk past me and made her way into my parents bedroom as Nettie went into my own room. Once they had disappeared, I walked out of the bathroom and slowly went down the stairs. Where were my parents?_

_As I reached the bottom of the staircase, I looked towards the main room and the sight made me shiver as well as fill me with rage. Both of my parents were lying on the floor; their blood staining the carpet. I screamed and ran towards them, completely forgetting the fact that I only saw two of the females on the second floor._

_As I crouched down by my mother, tears instantly fell from my eyes and dripped down my cheek. I was so focused on my emotional pain that I forgot to notice the sound of foot steps behind me followed by physical pain as a sharp object cut through my shoulder. I screamed in agony and all of a sudden, Maria had me pinned to the floor._

"_Why? I did what you asked" I cried._

_She pulled a knife out of my shoulder and then stabbed my abdomen, feeling another wave of pain._

"_I couldn't take the risk, Jasper. How do I know that you wouldn't go to the police claiming that I raped you?" She questioned._

"_You didn't rape me. I agreed, remember" I whimpered. _

_I agreed to save Alice._

"_Oh please, Jasper. I'm 16 and I had sex with an under-aged boy; police class that as rape. You are way too close to that little friend of yours so it's only a matter of time before you mention it to her and when you do, she will tell the police every little detail" she explain heartlessly._

"_I wouldn't; I swear" I begged for my life._

_My body stung like hell as she pulled out the knife for a second time and then stabbed me just above my waist on the right side. I hear the other two girls walk into the room, and my eyes close but I didn't miss the evil smiles the other two wore on their faces. I felt Maria's breath on my ear._

"_I really did love you Jasper but if I can't have you, neither can that little bitch who definitely has a crush on you" she whispered. "Alright guys, lets light this place up. If we burn the bodies, the police will have no proof that this was a murder scene" she spoke louder._

_I once asked myself what would be the worst way to die and my answer came out quick; burning alive. When you burn yourself, it lasts a quick second before you quickly flinch back from the hot object. If you're body was on fire, you couldn't stop the horrible pain and you would have to wait it out until your body can't take no more. To be honest, I was glad that Maria had stabbed me three times. By the time this place is up in flames, I would have already bled to death; at least I hope so._

_I felt pressure on my lips and I was sure that Maria had just kissed me. Not long after, my thoughts faded as I disappear into darkness._

I screamed myself awake, backing myself up against the wall that the bed was up against. I was gasping for air as if life had almost been taken from me; just like my parents. I hated this. When would these dreams end?

"Hey, are you okay?" Peter asked as he hopped off his own bed and onto the spare one that I had been sleeping on.

I nodded at him although the worry in his face didn't disappear. He put his hand on my cheek as he wiped a cheek that had obviously fallen during my dream. Peter knew as much as Alice about that night; that I saw one guy in a mask as he stabbed me and then set fire to the house. I hadn't told the police much about what happened as I claimed that I didn't know who _he _was but I assured them it was a male. If they found out that it was a female that almost killed me and successfully killed my parents, they would realise how weak I was.

This was all my fault. I should have given her what she wanted in the first place instead of waiting for them to threaten Alice.

Alice; I haven't seen her for 5 days now. I have just stuck around Peter's. I felt bad for avoiding her but a lot has been on my mind lately. Ever since that incident 2 years ago, I swore to myself that I would never date a girl. Maria had fucking scared me; in fact, every time that I look around, I don't see normal average girls like most people should. Instead I see loads of Maria's. Every time I look at a group of three girls, I see Maria, Nettie and Lucy. I see them everywhere I go now. Not physically because I realised that they had disappeared after I had woken up from my coma but it's like an illusion. The only females that I could stand to look at now without seeing _them _are Alice and Rosalie; the two most important people in my life.

So I guess that's why I let Peter kiss me that day. I realised that if I can't date a girl, it would have to be a guy. I mean, I can't be single all my life, could I? Forks was a small town so I doubt there was any other gays around my age; especially one that liked me. Was it wrong that I was letting a guy really like me although I was forcing myself to return those feelings?

Was it also wrong that Alice thinks that I tell her everything? I didn't want her to know the truth about the fire though. If she ever found out, there was a possibility that Maria might come back and hurt her. I wouldn't let that happen; I just couldn't. I would prefer it if Alice would think I'm gay though because she would get suspicious if I wasn't but refused to date females. Alice always has to know everything so if she was to get the smallest bit suspicious, she would look into it and I couldn't risk that for her sake.

Why did life have to be so damn complicated?

**So there it is! What did you think? Not what you expected, huh? Neither did I. Like I said, this stuff is improvised.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! Because you might actually have a chance of a quick update just after the new year!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alice 14 Jasper 15 James 16 Peter 16 Edward 17 Rosalie 21 Emmett 22**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

**Alice POV**

Boredom had gotten the better of me after missing Jasper so I had invited James round. He was pretty much on top of me as we kissed deeply. We had repeated what we did when I last saw him after another 15 minutes of convincing me so the whole exploring thing lasted about half an hour. He has even managed to convince me to touch him that way too and I have to admit, he was quite big. James said he had to leave at 3 and it was nearing that time now but it didn't stop him from sticking his tongue down my throat whilst his hands were under my top.

The doorbell suddenly rang which was actually bad news. My parents had come home earlier than I thought. They said they would be back between 4 and 4:30.

"Shit, you told me that they were out all day" he complained as he got off me.

I, too, got out of my bed and opened the door to leave but suddenly turned around.

"When my parents are in the house, jump out of the window" I told him.

I then shut my bedroom door and rush down the stairs, not wanting to keep them waiting and then opened the front door.

"Oh my god!" I spoke excitedly.

It was Jasper wearing his cute dimpled grin and I instantly pulled him into a hug, as he returns it, surprised.

"Er..I thought you would be angry at me. I guess the smile does work, huh" Jasper said.

Jasper suddenly tensed in the hug and pulled away, his eyes glaring at the person behind me. He sure did hate James.

"I didn't need to jump out of the window after all. So how is this friend of yours Alice? Has he found a different girl to crush on yet?" James mocked.

"James, leave him" I pleaded.

James walked closer to Jasper, returning a glare but with a smirk. "You totally need to get laid".

After saying that, James walked off with his hands in his pockets and his head held high as if he was proud at himself for being a complete dick to Jasper. I wish they would just get along. It is still too difficult to understand why. Jasper stood still, thinking about what James had said with no doubt.

"So...you wanna come in?" I asked.

Jasper tried to open his mouth to say something but it just didn't come out so he just walked past me and sat on the sofa in the main room. After locking the door, I met him in there, noticing how deep in thought he looked so I sat cross legged in front of him and wave my hand in the direction he was looking to get his attention.

"Spill it Jazz. What's bothering you?" I asked straight out.

He looked at me, seemingly studying me and my expressed emotions while wondering whether he should speak or not. He clearly chose the 'spill it' option.

"Are you fucking him?"

I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't even expecting it to be about me.

"A little personal, don't you think?" I replied.

"So you are" Jasper stated.

"What? No I am not but that doesn't mean that I can't" I spoke back.

I hated it when he felt the need to control me and my actions. If I had to get his permission to do things, I would never get further than first base.

"Yes it does Alice. You are 14! It isn't even legal. Just because he is ready, doesn't mean that you are. Why can't you see how much he is controlling you?" He asked rhetorically.

"Wait. _James _is the controlling one? Ever since I have been in a relationship with him, you have done nothing but tell me what I can and cannot do with him just because you have some grudge against him that I can't seem to figure out!" I yelled back.

He went quiet and looked away from me, whispering. "You're going to get hurt".

He then stood up and walked out of the main room. Not long after, I heard the front door shut. I instantly got off my feet and ran after him; he couldn't leave me like this again. After opening the door, I followed him out.

"Jazz, wait" I begged.

He continued to walk on with his head down; the opposite of how James left not so long ago.

"You can't leave; not again" I mumbled the last part. "Please" I whispered.

He stopped but didn't turn around. Taking advantage of this moment, I carried on walking towards him. Once I was within hearing distance, he began to speak.

"I'm just trying to protect you".

He still refused to look at me so I guess it hurt when I told him he was controlling. I understood though; Jasper thought he had no one. He has always been a loner in school, his parents are dead and me and Rose were the only people he was close to. If anything ever happened to me, Jasper would only have Rose left.

I leaned my forehead against his chest as I sigh and then Jasper rests his chin on top of my head.

"I know" I responded quietly.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Once it hit four, I let my parents in the house as Jazz and I help with the groceries that they had just brought. Thankfully, Jasper had stayed as I had managed to drag him back into our house. I hadn't seen my best friend for five whole days so I obviously wasn't going to let him go again.

"Nice to see you here again, Jasper" Esme smiled at him.

"Thank you ma'am. It's nice to see you too" he returned his smile.

And that's why my parents love him. He's way too polite to them, using that southern accent that I could never get enough of. Funnily enough, he has never actually been to the southern side of America. He had picked the accent off of his father who had a much heavier accent.

"Will you be saying for dinner?" Esme asked.

"Only if you don't mind" Jasper replied.

"Of course we wouldn't. How does lasagne sound?" She asked.

"Good. Thank you ma'am, I really appreciate it" he spoke gratefully.

Jasper and I walked back into the main room where Edward was sitting on the couch, watching some sort of boring documentary. Well he wasn't actually watching it because he was talking to somebody on his phone.

"Are you even sure that's a good idea?...Yeah, he's here, I guess Rose is trying to mother him again...I know...You wanna talk to him?...Yeah whatever, I'll go but if Alice does, then there better not be alcohol... well fine but she doesn't get any. She's too young...no I'm not, I'm just being responsible...I gotta go now anyway because my sister is trying to eavesdrop but I know she's right behind me...yeah, I'll tell them. Bye"

After he hung up, he turned around and looked at me and Jazz.

"A party at your place, huh?" He questioned Jasper.

"A party? There is no party" Jasper responded confused.

"Emmett just invited me. He quoted 'it's about damn time he learnt how to smile without Alice around' so yeah" Edward informed.

I saw Jasper blush a little; very cute.

"Edward, you must be mistaken, Emmett would need Rosalie's permission to have a party at her house. She wouldn't let Emmett do that because she knows that I don't like crowds" he nervously spoke.

"Well FYI, he got his permission. Rosalie agreed that you should improve your socialising skills. Besides, many girls have been invited so you could finally get yourself a girlfriend" Edward teased.

"How many girls?" Jasper asked, getting more nervous by the minute.

Jesus, I knew he preferred guys but what was with the wary part about girls?

"How am I supposed to know? Ask Emmett" Edward answered.

By the time my focus went back to Jasper, he was gone. Not physically but just by looking at him, he was somewhere else. He seemed to be looking through a wall.

"Jazz. Hey, look at me" I said, placing myself in front of him.

"Should I get dad?" Edward asked.

"Not yet" I replied as I rub Jasper's hand. "He has done this a few times before".

"He has?" Edward asked.

I nodded before running into the kitchen to grab a bag of Ice cubes. I rushed back into the main room and placed them on his head, hopefully it would bring him back.

"Alice, if this has happened more than once then we should tell dad. What triggers it? Could he be having a flashback about his parents? I mentioned something about Rose acting like a mother on the phone. Could that be it?" Edward questioned.

"No. That's not it otherwise he would have done this more often. Maybe the whole party thing just has him freaked out" I suggested.

I knew that something wasn't right about this.

I remember the first time he did this was after mentioning that there was a girl who had a crush on him and that was a year ago. The second time was when I had invited him to my birthday party along with my friends. It was very strange because I couldn't think of anything they all had in common other than socializing and all being females but Jasper had no reason to freak out about them so it had to have something to do with socialising with new people.

Jasper still hadn't come back to me so I released the pressure of the pack of ice on his head and pressed it on his back instead. I knew that was a sensitive place to have cold skin. I hear a gasp and bingo, he's back to normal.

"Jesus Jasper, you scared the shit out of us" Edward spoke first.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"Erm...Nothing...I er, I spaced out" he answered.

I get the same response every time; the stuttering, the 'spaced out' bull crap. Damn I wish he would just tell me what's up. We were best friends for crying out loud! Maybe he is still hiding something from me. No, he couldn't be. I'm looking too much into it. Jasper is just insecure about the whole gay thing. I'm sure that's what it was. He might have just imagined the party going wrong and everybody finding out the truth about his sexuality. Maybe.

**Sorry for the boring chapter but it's just a filler, besides, I am tired so excuse any stupid mistakes if there is any.**

**Reviews are appreciated because I don't seem to be getting many.**


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